


Forgiven

by kenjimobile



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood and Gore, Genzo - Freeform, Incest, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-26 07:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18177635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenjimobile/pseuds/kenjimobile
Summary: Memories of the past, pain of the present, uncertainty of the future.As he struggles to hold onto sanity, Hanzo deals with the tragedy of his past and attempts to reconnect with the one person that he always held closest to his heart.





	1. Broken

Again.

 

Again he found himself there in that dark, cramped room with only the broken glass from the bottles of alcohol he'd long since emptied scattered across the floor as his only companion. His mind was hazy, having no idea how long he had been sitting there, or even what enticed him to keep going back. He downed another bottle of sake, his body rocking as his consciousness faded in and out before taking the bottle and smashing it on the floor to join the others. The shards caught the only glimmer of light that entered the room from the crack in the door, grabbing the archer's attention and causing him to subconsciously reach out to grab one of the larger pieces. He turned it over in his hand, seeing a warped reflection of himself in it, frowning in response.

 

This... was this truly what had become of him? As broken as the glass he held in his hand, his heart frozen over and refused to melt for anyone. He isolated himself, fearing that he would only break further, or worse... cause another to break. Images of the past still flashed through his mind whenever he closed his eyes, rendering him unable to sleep most nights, turning instead to alcohol and waiting for it to numb him enough to pass out. He could still see the blood on his hands, and the sight of his brother's face as he crumbled to the ground. He didn't want to think about it anymore. He wanted it to all just go away, but he just couldn't seem to escape.

 

The archer's hands trembled as he continued to stare at the glass- a few tears dripping down his chin and forming a puddle in it. He choked back a sob as his grip slowly tightened around it, until eventually it cut open his fingers and blood trailed down his arm. There was a pain in his chest that went so deep that it was all he could feel... an ache that never seemed to go away. Nothing mattered anymore. There was no reason for him to prolong his suffering, between the sleep deprivation, the anger, and the self-hatred he had for himself, why should he continue on? No one would miss him. In fact, he was certain that everyone would be happy to have him gone, holding the shard up to his throat... but he hesitated. Death was such a comforting thought, knowing it would mean that he would no longer have to prolong the agony and torment that consumed him, but... he felt a strange sense of guilt. In his mind, he felt so certain that Genji, most of all, would be happy to be rid of him... and yet, he couldn't help wanting to see his brother one last time before leaving for good.

 

With a heavy sigh, Hanzo finally stood- almost falling back down on the floor immediately, but was saved due to the wall that had been right beside him. It wasn't much of a surprise that he caught the attention of several others as he made his way down the hall, a few calling out to him to ask if he was alright, but the archer simply ignored them as he walked toward Genji's room. After knocking, he waited a few moments for an answer, but never got one. This confused and slightly upset him- feeling almost as though the other was ignoring him before his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

 

"Are you looking for Genji?" It was Hana, who unbeknownst to the archer had been following him after seeing how awful he looked, wanting to make sure he didn't pass out in the middle of the hall. "I think he went outside... but shouldn't you go to the med bay? You're bleeding everywhere!" she continued, her brows furrowing slightly. Hanzo was a little surprised to see the girl, looking at her briefly before quickly turning his head away.

 

"..... outside where..?" he replied, his voice barely audible and incredibly raspy- sounding just as bad as he looked, which only furthered the Korean girl's concern. "I could take you to him..." she replied before hesitantly taking the other to the location of his brother. It wasn't far, but Hana kept looking at the man, wishing he would get the help he clearly needed. She considered him a good friend, enjoying his company whenever he was around, and enjoyed talking to him about various things. She felt lucky she was able to even get Hanzo to open up to her as much as he did, and wound up even earning the nickname "little flower" from him... but this was just one of those things that she felt completely powerless over. Hanzo was stubborn,  _especially_ when it came to his health- mental  _and_ physical. All she could do was hope that eventually he would do something about it, himself.

 

"He's over there." Hana said, pointing off towards the balcony before looking up at the archer and frowning. "Promise me that you will get those cuts taken care of when you're done." she continued after a moment. Hanzo's only response was gently placing his uninjured hand on the girl's head and keeping it there for a moment before walking off toward the location of whom he had been looking for. Hana watched as he walked away, sighing a little before heading back in the opposite direction.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as he stepped outside, he felt the cool night air sting his open wounds, making him shiver as he took a few steps forward- freezing in place the moment he saw the now familiar cybernetic body of his brother. It was as though time had stopped, seeing the younger male leaning against the railing with his arms folded, staring up at the starry sky before watching him slowly turn to face him. Even through the mask the other wore, to Hanzo, it almost felt as though their eyes had locked for a moment and he feared what the other would have to say after all this time.

 

But Genji didn't yell at him. For a moment, he didn't do anything but  _stare_ , looking visibly startled despite his face being hidden. His mouth was agape, nearly having a heart attack- not from the presence of the elder male, but just how he  _looked_. " ** _Christ_ _!_** Hanzo, what happened to you- you look like hell!" the cyborg exclaimed, rushing toward said male and looking over his slashed up arms and fingers that still bled quite intensely. It was so bizarre to see the archer like that, knowing how fussy and precise he was about his appearance- especially his hair, which was knotted up and matted. He reeked of alcohol as well, and it really made Genji wonder what could have brought his proud, stoic brother to such a state.

 

Then he noticed the tears that ran down his face, try as he might to hide them, Genji could still see. "Hanzo..." he called softly, letting out a sigh as he led the elder to one of the chairs that was set up out there- helping him sit before kneeling down in front of him so he could see his brother's face a bit better. "Talk to me." he prompted, not speaking in a commanding or forceful tone, hoping that he could coax something out of him if he remained calm- despite how badly he wanted to drag him to see Angela and _make_ him get treated... but he knew Hanzo would fight him, and after as long as it had been since they were even in the same room made him feel like it would only do more harm than good. "Please..." he added after several moments of no response, his voice no more than a whisper, removing his mask to look into the other's eyes before taking his hands and holding them tightly.

 

Hanzo's eyes widened at the sight of the ninja's face, turning pale from seeing the scars he left tattered across the other's skin and quickly looking away. Half of him wanted to do as he usually did and insult or yell at the younger male, but the other half wanted to hold onto him and never let go. He opened his mouth to say something, but ended up just shaking his head and turning away. Why did he come here? There was nothing for them to talk about, and regardless of how Genji was acting, he was still convinced the other hated him. After all, he ruined his life. He took everything away from the younger male, how could he not resent him for that? Sure, Hanzo was filled with regret, and sure he never wanted to go through with it in the first place, but that changed nothing. Hanzo hated nothing more than he hated himself, so there was no way that Genji didn't feel the same.

 

All he wanted was for things to go back as they used to be- back when they were younger, before everything changed for the worse. It was mutual, that longing, and the longer they sat there, the more the cyborg felt his heart breaking. Just like Hana, he felt helpless. The only difference was that he was directly connected to the problem, and that alone complicated things so much more than he felt it needed to be. He wanted to comfort the elder, but he was worried of how he would react. It was like defusing a bomb- one wrong move could cause an explosion, and with the delicate state of mind Hanzo was in, he didn't even want to _think_ of what that explosion would be like. The clock was ticking, and Genji didn't like this silence that had encompassed them, so he decided to take a different approach to the situation.

 

"The stars look nice tonight, don't they?" the cyborg blurted out suddenly, his voice wavering slightly, showing his nerves. Hanzo remained silent, keeping his head turned and his mouth shut.  _'Damn it...'_ Genji thought to himself when the other made no response, but he wasn't going to give up just yet. "The moon looks so big... it reminds me of that story you used to tell me when I couldn't sleep. Do you remember it?" he continued, giving a small smile as he thought about how he used to sneak into Hanzo's room and beg him to tell him a story before they would both fall asleep, cuddling closely. Those moments always stuck with him, and he thought about them whenever he was missing the other.

 

The cyborg rested his head on the other's knee, still keeping an eye on his face to see if he could get at least  _some_ kind of reaction out of him. "That story has always been my favourite. I always think about you telling it to me whenever I see it... heh, I used to always make up excuses just so I could sleep in your room with you. I begged you to tell me that story so often that I completely memorized the way you told it!" he chuckled, pausing for a moment as he noticed Hanzo's expression change slightly, taking that as a good sign, considering the previous unresponsiveness. "Sometimes I would wake you up in the middle of the night just to hear your voice... you would call me a brat and kiss my forehead. All I could do was smile, because even when you acted annoyed, I could tell you were happy, too."

 

Hanzo stirred slightly, his hand twitching before slowly pulling out of Genji's hold on it before standing up and starting to walk away, causing the younger male to frown. "..... you can't hide forever, Hanzo. Eventually you're going to break out of this... whatever the hell this is, and when you do, I will be there." the ninja said as he stood along with the other. Hanzo stopped for a moment, only long enough to hear what the other had to say, before going back inside and heading to his room.

 

Between all the blood he had lost and being as drunk as he was, the archer had begun to feel immensely dizzy and could barely hold himself up- dragging himself across the walls until he inevitably blacked out and collapsed to the floor.


	2. Dream

_"Anijaaa, I can't sleep! Tell me that story again!"_

 

The voice had awoken Hanzo from his slumber, causing him to turn toward the door and watch as the younger male scrambled into his room and darted toward his bed. He let out a soft sigh, feeling tiny hands holding onto him- seeing the wide grin on his face, which only garnered a blank expression of his own.

 

"Genji... are you going to do this  _every_ night? Eventually you will have to sleep on your own, you know..." the elder Shimada sighed, but he tucked an arm under his brother's head and pulled him closer. He acted like he hated it, but in all honesty he was glad to be so close to the other. He spoiled the younger male, always giving into whatever he wanted because he loved nothing more than to see Genji smile... and Genji was fully aware of that. He got away with so much because of Hanzo, but to the older boy it was fine as long as the younger was happy.

 

"Anija, you're no fun!" Genji huffed, pouting a little from Hanzo's words- which made the elder's expression change to one of amusement. "Is that so? Then I suppose I do not have to tell you a story, after all." he hummed, starting to turn away from the younger boy, who quickly held tighter onto him and whined. "Anijaaa! I want a story! Tell me a story! Please...?" The pleas were accompanied by the saddest puppy eyes he could muster, and Hanzo only gave a short glance at his face before sighing.

 

"I am always telling you stories. Why not tell  _me_ one?" Hanzo murmured, resting his chin on Genji's head as they held each other. The younger boy was a little surprised to hear the request, tilting his head slightly in confusion. This was the first time he had said anything like that, but if he wanted a story... why shouldn't he tell one? After all, he really _did_  sneak into his room every night like he had said, so after a moment he gave a slight nod. "Okay!" he exclaimed, which in turn startled the older boy slightly- moving back just enough to see the cheerful expression on his brother's face before sighing once again and returning his chin to its previous resting place. He hadn't actually meant it, but if Genji wanted to tell him a story, who was he to stop him?

 

For awhile, it was quiet again as Genji thought of what kind of story he wanted to tell. The only sound to be heard was each other's breathing- which along side the warmth of one another was very comforting. This was always the best part, Hanzo thought, whenever Genji came to him. Just being close and having him there was enough to put his mind at ease, and somehow it just made everything feel like it was all going to be alright. There were times where he was sick or sad, and Genji would come to him and make everything better again. He felt bad, knowing that he was the older sibling yet being comforted by his little brother... but the younger boy never seemed to mind. The bond them felt unbreakable to them, and the more difficulties they faced, the stronger their relationship became.

 

That was the way he wanted it to stay. It was like the moment Genji was born, Hanzo found his purpose in protecting him. He always loved to play with him and see him smile, thinking the world of him even after meeting him for the very first time. It was why he was so willing to spoil him, giving into his every whim. Sometimes he acted cold because he was embarrassed, but somehow Genji could always see right through him. It was as though they could read each other's minds, almost always knowing what the other was thinking without even having to say a word. It was something that proved useful many times, especially when they didn't want to say something out loud- or they _couldn't._

 

"Ah!" The silence was finally broken by the exclamation of the younger male, making Hanzo jump slightly in surprise before pulling back to look at the other. "Well? Have you thought of something?" he asked, receiving an enthusiastic nod in response. "Mh! And it's going to be the best story you ever heard!" Genji sang, giving a small chuckle before the two of them got comfortable enough to begin.

 

"There once was two brothers who lived by a forest of cherry trees." he began, Hanzo smiling slightly in amusement by the lack of subtlety. "The two brothers liked to play in the forest a lot, and would sometimes play until it was getting dark. Then one day, the older brother stopped coming to the forest to play. The younger brother was confused, and looked for the older to see why he didn't come. He saw the older with a sword, and thought it was strange that he was playing with something like that. When he asked the older what he was doing, he looked so sad and said "I have to". The younger brother didn't understand, but decided that he would sit and watch."

 

Hanzo's expression changed quickly, looking upset and turning his head away. "I do not like this story..." he murmured, but Genji shook his head. "Just keep listening!" he huffed, which caused the elder boy to sigh.

 

"The younger brother watched the older swing the sword around, but even when he saw him stumble, the younger would be amazed." he continued, holding onto Hanzo a bit tighter and nuzzling him slightly. "Instead of playing together, the younger brother would watch the older brother as he practiced fighting... but it was okay, because he thought the other looked cool- even if he seemed so sad. Even if they couldn't play anymore, the younger brother was just happy to be around the older, because he loved him a lot and enjoyed the time they spent together. To him, it didn't matter what they did... as long as they had each other, he knew everything would be okay." Genji smiled, looking up at Hanzo as he finished the story, seeing tears run down the elder's face and reaching up to gently wipe them away.

 

"Please don't cry anymore, anija... I know you've been sad lately, even though you try to hide it, but I'm happy for you! And someday soon, I can swing around a sword just like you!" the younger male laughed, trying to cheer up his dispirited brother. Things had been rough between them for the last couple of months, but the two of them still tried to remain close- not wanting to lose that bond they had. They were getting older, and things were changing faster than either of them wanted. It was hard to keep up, and now Hanzo was finally old enough to start training to claim his place as the future leader of the Shimada clan. It wasn't something that either of them really understood just yet, but little did they know how much strain it would put on everything they had built up between them.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was the IV in his arm, and the excruciating pain in his head. He barely remembered anything that happened the previous night- or really, anything that had happened within the last few weeks. All he remembered was what Genji had said to him, and the sight of the scars on his face. Slowly, he attempted to sit up, but it hurt too badly and he immediately fell back.

 

"Oh, good- you're awake." a voice said, sighing in relief. Angela walked toward the archer, looking a combination of disappointed, angry, and very worried. "What on Earth were you trying to do? With an injury that bad... why didn't you come to see me? You are lucky that you were found before it got any worse!" she scolded. The doctor wasn't really looking too good, herself, with her hair tied back in a messy ponytail and bags under her eyes from stress. She noticed Hanzo turn away, and she frowned before pulling up a chair and sitting beside the bed. "You're in very bad shape right now, and you need to rest. After seeing the condition you were in last night, a check was done on your room and we found that it was completely trashed! How long has this been going on? No one can help you if you don't _say anything_!"

 

"I do not need help." Hanzo replied in a huff, his voice low and hoarse, finding it to be rather painful to talk at the moment. "You  _do_ , though! Hanzo, we are all very worried about you... when you fainted in the hall, everyone started to panic because no one was sure what had happened, but when we noticed the cuts on your arms..." the woman trailed off, furrowing her brows. "I can give you medication to help, but there's nothing I can do unless you admit there is a problem." she continued, noticing the change in the archer's expression and feeling a bit relieved that she seemed to be getting through to him. Anyone that had been around him for more than five minutes knew that he liked to hide behind his walls and not let anyone in as to what was going through his mind, and as frustrating as it could be, he couldn't help that he had become that way.

 

".... nothing can help me anymore." he said suddenly, his voice wavering and cracking as he held back tears. He didn't want to cry again- especially not when he could be seen. Angela reached over to the table and picked up a box of tissues, offering it to Hanzo, who just turned away from her. "Why do you think nothing can help you?" she then asked, setting the tissues back on the table before folding her hands in her lap, watching the man to see if his expression changed again.

 

The archer fell silent for a moment more, still reluctant to speak. "I..." he began, feeling the woman's eyes on him as she waited patiently for him to continue. "I cannot... change the past. Everything that meant anything to me... it is all gone. Even if a fragment may still be here, what good is it when it is unreachable...? I close my eyes, and it is all I can see....  _he_ is all I see...." It was the most he had said to anyone about what he was feeling, and as vague as it was, Angela understood what he meant. "Even if you can't change the past, you have to look forward to the future." she said softly, placing a hand on the other's shoulder. "Genji is still here, and he isn't "unreachable". He tells me often about how he wishes you would talk to him again and stop pushing him away... he tells me how sad it makes him that you refuse to open up to him. He still loves you, Hanzo."

 

Hanzo tensed immediately from the last words that were spoken, slowly rolling back toward the blonde. "..... did he actually say that?" he asked, his voice almost inaudible. She nodded, moving back to fold her hands in her lap again. "After you passed out, he and Hana both told me about the way you were acting, begging for me to help you. I said I would do what I could, but I can't really  _force_ you to take medication or anything of that sort. It is all up to you- but please know that you are not alone, and all of us are here for you."

 

Even if her words seemed genuine, it would take a bit of time for him to truly break out of his shell and start learning to trust again... but even just knowing that Genji didn't hate him was enough to have him agree to the help that was offered to him, which seemed to put the doctor at ease. She smiled before getting up to go retrieve the medication, and when she returned, explained how it worked, what he should expect, and told him if he had any problems with it to let her know immediately. It was a bit concerning to him, having never done anything like that before, but he just had to have faith that it was really what he needed. He lay back in the bed, wanting to rest for a little while longer before going out again.

 

As he slept, he dreamed of the better parts of the past for once. He thought of when his bond with Genji was its strongest, when the two of them began to realise just how strong their connection was. Genji had gotten into a lot of trouble during that time- there was a lot of arguing, a lot of pain, and a lot of crying... but when it was finally all out in the open, everything changed. The younger male had been involved with many questionable activities, and the elder was forced to carry out the clans wishes for him, but the moment that the feelings between them were confessed, those things no longer seemed to matter.

 

He could still remember the first time they kissed. He had never thought something like that could feel the way it did, but Genji's rough lips pressing against his own soft, delicate ones lit a flame within him and he didn't want it to end. He could remember how nervous he felt, his heart racing so fast that he was certain it would burst right through his chest- his face hot and flushed so deeply that Genji laughed, and Hanzo pouted.  _"You're cute"_ , the younger male said, only making Hanzo blush more.  _"Brat..."_  the elder huffed in response, but when he was kissed again, he held tightly onto the other and didn't let go for as long as he was able. It all happened so long ago, but those memories were still fresh in his mind when he was able to think of the better moments from back then, and he wondered if the other thought about them, too.

 

After about three hours, Hanzo got up and took a chance at seeking out his brother, but unlike the previous night, he had plans to actually talk to him.


	3. Breathe

_"This **has** to stop!"_

 

It was already 2:00am, and Genji was only just now getting back home- much to the frustration and dismay of his older brother. This had been happening for months now, and it was causing Hanzo far too many problems that he simply wasn't able to deal with right then. Between the clan Elders harping on him constantly, being so nitpicky about everything he did and forcing him to spend most of his time either training or studying, he just couldn't keep covering for the younger male while he went out and did God knows what with his life. The younger Shimada had made it abundantly clear that his plans to be part of the clan were abandoned long ago, leaving the elder of the two to deal with everything on his own.

 

"Tch... isn't it past your bedtime, princess? Don't wanna get caught breaking the rules..." Genji scoffed in response, rolling his eyes as he pushed past the other, only to quickly have his wrist grabbed, forcing him to stop. "Genji, I cannot keep doing this! I had no problem covering for you a few times when you went out, but this... you are making the Elders very angry, and I am not sure how much longer I can keep giving excuses for you! I... I am worried..." the archer said, his hold on the other's wrist tightening as his hand trembled slightly.

 

Again, the ninja gave a scoff, ripping his arm away from the other and turning his back to him. " _Worried_? Why would you be worried?" he retorted, crossing his arms and looking over his shoulder to scowl at his brother- who in turn looked a bit angry, himself. "Because I care about you!" he exclaimed, stepping in front of the other to try and block him from walking away again after seeing his foot start to move. Genji's expression suddenly changed to a much darker one, and Hanzo had figured it was because he had walked in front of him... until he heard what the other said next.

 

" ** _Bullshit_ _!!_** All you care about is the clan, and your stupid practice, and all of that other _bullshit_ that relates to it! You do whatever they tell you because it makes you feel good, right? Makes you feel like you're so perfect, because you're the  _favourite_ \- the "chosen one" to take over, and they couldn't give two shits about me, just like  _you_!!" the green haired male hissed in response. For a moment, all Hanzo could do was stare at the other in disbelief, unsure if he had actually heard everything correctly. Those words wounded him deeply, partially because he had been trying so hard to protect Genji from the wrath of the Elders, but more so the fact that he felt that if the younger male thought that way... that he had failed his unspoken vow to always be there for his brother- broken his promise to give the younger male the happiness and love that he felt that he deserved, even at the expense of his own. It was the first time that he had truly felt that ache in his heart, and even through the exhaustion, pain, and suffering that he was forced to endure for the clan, nothing felt worse than thinking he had betrayed or hurt Genji in some way.

 

It took Hanzo a few moments to recollect himself enough to speak again, his hands clenching into fists as tears welled in his eyes. "....... is that.... really how you feel? After all I have done for you? You... you go off with these... these  _women_ , doing things I do not even want to think about with them, and you come home at impious hours- showing absolutely no respect for  _anyone_ around you, while I am stuck here trying my absolute best to keep the Elders from coming after you by taking _your_ punishments!!" the long haired male practically shouted, subconsciously pushing the other male and causing him to stumble back before Genji quickly lurched forward and slammed Hanzo against the wall, pinning him there. "I wouldn't have had to go out if you paid even a  _little_ attention to me! You haven't looked my way since we were kids, and I always tried to support you, but how could I when you constantly ignored me?!" the ninja spat back, though he became startled when he noticed the tears running down Hanzo's face. It was confusing, and certainly unexpected, but he slowly loosened his grip on him until eventually letting him go.

 

Soft sobs wracked the archer's body as he slid down to the floor, covering his face with his hands as he hung his head. "I... I never.... I never wanted to ignore you...." he began, his voice quiet and shaky as he struggled to hold back his tears. "If.... if I was able to, I would spend all of my life with you, and  _only_ you...! H-how have you not realised... how I feel...?" It was hard to speak, having tried for so long to hold back all of his feelings, but now they just came pouring out like the tears that spilled down his cheeks. Genji exhaled softly through his nose before kneeling down in front of the older boy, frowning slightly. "What do you mean?" he asked, trying to move the hands away that concealed Hanzo's face, wanting to look at him.

 

Briefly, the archer gazed up at the ninja before quickly turning his head away and trying instead to hide behind his long, black hair. Even without being shy, this was precisely the kind of thing that he was being trained  _not_ to do. Emotions were something that was perceived to just get in the way, and he had to go through so much to bottle everything up... but now he was caught, and it terrified him that he would be punished again for it, despite it only being Genji that saw him. His body trembled, but when he felt a hand reach out gently tuck his hair behind his ear, it calmed him just a little, and he slowly turned his head back to look up at the other- the two of them just staring at each other in silence for a moment, Genji's hand cupping his cheek and caressing it before pressing their foreheads together. "Talk to me, Hanzo... what feelings?" the green haired male whispered, gazing into said male's eyes. It felt so surreal, being so close to Genji again after what the archer felt was far too long, but his face flushed deeply and his heart began to race... swallowing nervously as he lifted a hand to place over the other's. "I..." he started, trying to look away again but was quickly stopped and made to look at the younger male.

 

"Look at me when you speak. Don't look away anymore... I want to see you." Genji murmured, holding his brother's head in place so he could continue to look into his eyes. It made Hanzo feel nervous, a little worried, but... he felt happy, being reminded of the way they were as children, though it was all different somehow. There was a change in the air- no, it was  _them_ that had changed. They had gotten older, and the feelings between them had shifted into a completely different territory altogether.

 

For a moment more they were surrounded by silence, only hearing the soft inhales and exhales of the other's breathing before Hanzo finally willed himself to speak again. "..... I love you, Genji.... I... I have always loved you, but I realise that... my feelings have become so much more than that. I... I want to be with you..! I hate seeing you with those women, because I always think to myself how badly I wish it were  _me_ that you were with! You are my everything... I... I love you so much, I would do anything to protect you..! A-at times I do not even know what to do with myself, because these feelings I have in my heart for you drive me crazy- I even see you in my dreams, wishing that I could just lie in your arms for awhile, and we could just.... exist. I... I feel so scared.... and having you is all that comforts me...!"

 

The confession took Genji by surprise, but he couldn't help the smile that formed on his face- a genuine smile, not another smirk that seemed to always be present on the ninja's face from how smug he had become as he had gotten older. It made him happy to know that Hanzo really did feel that deeply about him, but just as soon as it came, the smile faded. "Hanzo..." the younger male murmured, once again finding himself wiping away the tears of the elder. He always hated to see the other cry, always wanting to find a way to cheer him up, but knowing that it generally didn't help much... or for very long. But then he had an idea, hoping that it would at the very least get Hanzo to stop crying.

 

Without hesitation, the green haired male leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together in a soft, loving kiss.

 

Hanzo was startled at first, but felt himself slowly melting into it, and eventually returned it. He had never been kissed before, but it felt like electricity was shooting throughout his body, and a fire burned within him. He felt hot, a little shaky, but ultimately thought it was the best feeling he had ever experienced! When it ended, he let out a soft whine- his face completely red, causing the younger male to let out a laugh, much to Hanzo's confusion. "W... what is so funny?!" the archer huffed. "You're just so cute!" the ninja replied, causing the other to jolt slightly and finally turn his head away. "B-brat...! You are a brat! A-and stop laughing!!" hissed the archer, the blush intensifying. Genji only laughed more, unable to help how adorable he thought the archer looked right then. Eventually he calmed back down, smiling at Hanzo and stroking his hair before kissing him once more.

 

It was as though all the nasty thoughts and fears that had been plaguing them had finally vanished, feeling a huge weight lifting off of them, focusing on only each other for the moment- wanting it to last forever, but knowing eventually they would have to part again. They knew that they would have to carry out their relationship in secret, but they thought everything would be okay as long as they had each other. To them, their love was strong enough to conquer anything, and it would stay that way... at least for awhile.

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow, it was still just as cold out as it was yesterday, if not even colder. The wind was harsh, but just like the previous night, Genji stood on the balcony and stared up at the stars- seemingly unfazed by the chill, though Hanzo wondered what made the younger male keep coming out there. He hesitated a moment, then sidled up beside the other and silently joined him with his stargazing. Even tonight, the moon seemed so big, and the archer couldn't help blushing a little as the two of them stood side by side under the pale light of it. There was so much that he wanted to say... so much he wanted to  _ask_ , but he didn't know where to begin, or if any of it would even matter. Had Genji forgotten their relationship from when they were younger? Did he think that  _he_ had forgotten? Angela said the ninja still loved him, but what did that truly imply? Love... was a complicated feeling, and had many meanings to many people, but what  _kind_ of love did he feel?

 

"How are you feeling?"

 

The question snapped the elder Shimada brother back to reality, jumping slightly in surprise before looking up at the other man. He noticed Genji wasn't wearing his mask, and he could clearly see the frown that pulled down at the corners of his scarred lips. He looked tired, and his eyes were red like he had been crying... had he really worried him that much?

 

"I... feel a little better..."

 

It was hard to speak, like the words were caught in his throat and he had to strain just to get something to come out. There it was again, that guilty feeling... how did he keep hurting Genji like this? It wasn't fair to him, and it only made him hate himself more because of it. That alone made him realise that his feelings really hadn't changed for his brother- still holding onto that impossibly strong love that he'd obtained for him all those years ago that tugged on his heart and strung him up like a puppet. Genji was still everything to him, and it was the reason why part of his soul died the day he thought he lost him. That heartbreak was enough to change him into an entirely new person, betraying the clan... his family... because he finally realised everything that he had been taught, that he had gone his whole life thinking... it was all a lie, and that lie made him do the worst possible thing he could do- something so terrible that it would haunt him until the day he died. But Angela was right about at least _one_ thing she said. Genji  _was_ still there, and he looked relieved to know that he was in a better state of mind.

 

Silence again. There was so much tension between them, both wanting to say something, but neither able to speak. Instead they just stood there, watching the stars as time passed them by. The chill only seemed to worsen, however, and Hanzo shivered from the icy wind that blew through, which inevitably caught Genji's attention, and in turn the cyborg wrapped an arm around the smaller male and pulled him closer to warm him up. It was so strange... the ninja's body was actually  _very_ warm, like he had a built-in heater! Then again, it would make sense considering the robotic body he had now... but it was still a strange thing to think about. It was nice, though, and the archer found himself snuggling up to the other and resting his head on his chest. This was the first time he had felt relaxed since that incident, and to be near his beloved again put his mind at ease, so he allowed the silence to go on for a little while longer as he indulged himself in the heat and comfort of the younger male.

 

Before they knew it, hours had gone by with the two of them just standing there, enjoying the company of one another. Hanzo's eyes had fluttered shut, and he found himself loosely holding onto the cyborg as he nuzzled into him. The archer had started to fall asleep there, and worried that he would end up falling and getting hurt, Genji scooped him up bridal style and carried him to his room. Usually Hanzo would fuss about being carried, saying that he was able to walk and such, but right then he just couldn't bring himself to. Sure, it was still embarrassing, but just this once he would make an exception.

 

After they got to Genji's room, the archer was gently set down on the bed. "You can sleep here tonight. Don't worry, I can just stay on the floor." the ninja said, starting to walk away to grab an extra pillow and blanket before he felt he wrist being grabbed. "I.... I want you to be near me..." the elder murmured, looking away shyly as his cheeks lit up a bright pink. The cyborg smiled a little, thinking it was kind of cute that even after all this time, that part of Hanzo had never changed. "Yeah... okay." he replied, lying beside the other and wrapping an arm around his waist- which caused the other to blush more. Yep... this was definitely still the Hanzo that he knew, though he may be older and a lot more depressed and angry, he could tell that on the inside he was still the same person deep down. It made him at least a little happy to know that, especially with how bad things had gotten for him, and it was something he understood well- nearly having his life taken from him, and that sense of betrayal from someone that he had thought loved him was enough to let anger and hate consume him, but he hadn't considered the reasoning behind it or how Hanzo had probably felt doing it until he met Zenyatta and turned his life around.

 

Throughout most of his teenage years and into his adulthood, he already struggled to cope with his anger- generally thinking mostly of himself and not how the people around him were feeling. It just wasn't something that he had to do, since he mostly did whatever he wanted with little to no consequences thanks to his brother... but he never realised how unappreciative he was of that, or how much the other had truly done for him until it was all taken away. He felt guilty when he finally understood, and he knew that he would have to track down the elder, just... he hadn't expected him to become the way he did.

 

The elder Shimada had always been stubborn, and a little difficult to understand, but just seeing the way he treated himself _hurt_. Genji decided that he wanted to reconnect with him, to show he had forgiven the other for what he had done, but Hanzo always refused because of how tightly he clung to the past. He couldn't let it go, and the younger male could see it was tearing him apart- only getting worse by the day, and seeing that it was all because he felt like he  _deserved_ to suffer... that the only reason he was still part of this world was to endure the self abuse that he cast upon himself as a punishment. It broke his heart to see it all play out before him, and when he had seen that the archer had fainted in the hall, he had never felt a more intense sense of panic in his life, fearing the worst. Usually he wasn't one to handle those emotions with tears- instead resorting to anger to deal with the fear and pain- but he broke down and cried as he begged Angela to help him, seeing it as the last hope there was of Hanzo finally recovering from all the damage he had done to himself.

 

But he was okay. Hanzo was okay, at least for the moment.

 

Now all he could do was watch as the archer slept, an arm wrapped around him and their foreheads pressed together as he studied the other's face. It wasn't relaxed, at least not as much as he thought it should be. Feeling worried that he was having a nightmare, the cyborg pulled him closer, gently holding Hanzo's head to his chest and stroking his hair. "From now on..." he murmured, nestling his face into the archer's hair and giving the top of his head a soft kiss before continuing. "I will protect you."


End file.
